Motherhood

Our 13w 5d scare

 Sick baby+cold season+growing a human+not sleeping enough=sick mom.
“mom”(basically means): getting sick often.

I woke up to a sick little babe this morning, causing me to inevitably get sick as well. It started out as a pretty normal day to be honest. Sleep deprived, upset sick baby, cold tea. The works. But I did have a lot of energy today which was an A+ in my books. I actually washed dishes and dried them and put them away, all while listening to a podcast on VBACs. I seriously felt like super mom actually getting sh*t done today. Sounds like a good day right?

So I went for my second appointment with my midwife. (The same midwife I previously had with William, who I love.) We had a really good talk about VBACs and my fears around the pain I still remember from labour and I am so happy that she was able to give me some good tips for how to work through my anxiety. Honestly I felt like this was the best midwife appointment we ever had. We got straight to the point on many different topics and I was like:

YEP I AM STILL GETTING SHIT DONE. (#winning)

We went to listen to the heart beat at the end of the appointment and that’s where things started to suck. We couldn’t find the heartbeat. I asked if I could try to find it because I have a doppler at home and I can usually find the heartbeat right away. We were both unable to find it after ~10 minutes and then a little rush of panic began to set it.

She booked me in for an emergency ultrasound and I had enough time to drop William off at a friends house and get to my appointment. (TO SIT AND WAIT *with a full bladder*.)

I had such awful thoughts going through my head while I was waiting… such sad and unthinkable things. And it all seems like a blur to me now….

And then finally it was my turn.

I sat down, bursting bladder and all, and watched as we found my littlest baby on the ultrasound screen. There he or she was… still. Then all of a sudden started bouncing off the walls of my uterus (BUT REALLY MY BLADDER) and I just cried. The ultrasound tech zoomed in to his/her heart and I watched it beat. 147 bpm, to be exact. S/he was okay. *Perfect, but I might be biased* and busy as can be. Just imagine how people dance at raves, crazy hand and legs flying everywhere (that’s how they dance, right? anyways.) This kid wouldn’t sit still so no wonder it was hard to find the heart beat.

I laid there, wiping away tears of gratitude, listening to the ultrasound tech point out my baby’s bones, brain, left and right sides of the body. I could see the bones in my littlest loves hands. Everything, perfect. Exactly how it should be.

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I am choosing to take this experience as a reminder that nothing is a guarantee. I am going to hug William a little more (even when he squirms away) and I am going to take more time for this new baby and I to bond like William and I did before he was born.

My placenta is laying on top of the uterus (anterior placenta) for baby #2 so that will play a role in it being hard to hear the heartbeat as well. When I was pregnant with William the placenta was on the backside of the uterus (posterior). This baby was head down today, as it was 6 days ago at my last ultrasound. Yep, ultrasound overload. This was my 4th ultrasound so far this pregnancy. And our next is January 16th when we find out the SEX. 

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