I wrote this blog post two weeks before conceiving baby #2. My mind was in such a frenzy about having more babies, or not having more babies. I remember asking people how they knew they were ready to have another baby but I was never settled by their answers. But their answer isn’t my answer. Their choices don’t reflect my heart. You can’t possibly look to someone else to tell you when to go through your next season of life. It just happens when you are ready for it.
I’ve been really struggling with finding the “right” time to have another baby. Is there a right time?
With William, I knew I wanted a baby. It took me about 10 minutes to decide I really wanted to have a baby, and then that night we conceived him. I know it isn’t always THAT easy. If you have read some of my previous posts you know I was told I had endometriosis as a young teenager and would probably never have children or if I did it would be very hard to conceive. God laughed at that. It is like he was whispering to me that the perfect baby would be born in 9 months if we decided to have a baby. I trusted my feelings and I am so happy I did (OBVIOUSLY) and William arrived 9 months later.
This week my cousins kids were over and they played with William non stop. They were attentive, interactive and having so much fun with William. It is hard to be like that all the time as a parent, you know? In fact, I think it is impossible to be “on” all the time. I was so happy to see William having so much fun, but also sad because I know I get distracted so easily. Dishes – diaper changes, probably a poop explosion – bath – lunch – laundry, etc. (Not to mention the amount of time I am consumed with social media, which is a huge downfall of mine.) I feel like these are excuses to not play with William sometimes and they AREN’T. It is just so hard to be 100% focussed on William when there are so many chores that need to get done around the house to keep it a home.
I was watching William play with his cousins while I was cooking and he was laughing, like throw your head back laughing and I’m pretty sure his face hurt from smiling so much. I wished for a second that William wasn’t going to be our eldest child so he could have older siblings to play with. Then I realized he can be that older sibling to our next babies. So how could we not have more right away?!?
Then I think about time being taken away from William. How could I possibly take time away from William? How can I share my time? I feel like I can hardly manage as is. Or is this what most mothers feel like?
Two weeks later my heart opened up and grew an extra size at the thought of having another baby. There is no rhyme or reason to why I changed my mind, I just did. I want to share my love. I want William to experience a bond with his siblings that can’t be matched. I want to grow old with so many grand babies running around. I just knew it was time to grow our family…. and I am so excited we are going to be welcoming this little piece of heaven into our arms in June.
oh those baby feels 